Saturday, 25 June 2011

Exciting discoveries!...

Of course, that isn't to say I want to completely eliminate sadness, anger, and all negative feelings from my life.
I now know there is a reason for them, a logical existence for such emotions.

This knowledge, though, doesn't stop us from wanting to achieve total inner peace and happiness at all times.
It is the essence of all our actions, thoughts, plans and decisions. The ultimate goal for everything we do is achieving happiness. For ourselves, most and utmost, whether we are consciously aware of it or not.

Even this weblog, for example. Why am I posting my thoughts here?
No matter what words I use in order to explain my motives, you will always be able to round it all up to happiness for my self. That is always the end. The means to get there are as varied as the multitude of choices we can make during our existence.

Our need for attaining happiness for ourselves is sometimes considered selfishness, when it's nothing more than natural instinct.
We are all created with certain common features and conditions that were given to us by, let's say, Nature. A random succession of events that led to the assembly of certain molecules that resulted in an operating system we can call DNA, that allowed beings to develop and function.
Life blooms. The beings go on functioning according to the instructions, or program features, contained in that operating system.

Now, to think that this is a reductive or depreciating view of life because it is a direct comparison to the workings of a cold, lifeless machine such as a computer, is a natural way of looking at it. It's wrong, too.
There is nothing quite more complex and mysterious for me than the workings of our mind. It has been an obsession for most of my existence, and how could one not think the highest about his life's centre piece?

I remember an interesting conversation I had with a friend years ago which led me to dwell a bit on this post's subject, the existence of negative emotions and their consequences.
My friend believed that we, as humans, have the capacity of being Good at all times. That the world could be a much better place because we are able to stop and think before we act, and because respect and altruism from all of us was a possible achievement.
She also felt that we, as humans, were on a downward spiral.
Because of our actions, determined by our selfish purposes, we are "killing" this planet, and threatening everything around us.

I, on the other hand, believe that everything we do, and are capable of doing, and everything we feel and are capable of feeling, is natural. Therefore, "good". Not in a Good vs Evil way, but "good", because it's natural. Because it's something that is supposed to be, and couldn't be any other way.
Nature is not Good. Neither it is Evil. It is what it is and it manifests itself in ways that feel good to us, like the sunshine on our face or a bird singing in the morning, or bad, like a heavy rainstorm or a dog growling.
These powerful manifestations of Nature produce distinct reactions on us. But, in their essence, these manifestations are neither good nor evil.

I mention this because there was a time I too used to feel that Nature was essentially Good.
That it was a living organism that I believed was the most visible expression of Good and goodness around us. Nature, the eternally caring and protecting Mother.
We were the ones that corrupted it, and like the friend I mentioned above felt, we were not living the way we're supposed to.

But let's take the red-throated bee-eater, or Merops Bullocki, a species of birds found on several African countries.
The parents lay two eggs, but they are both only able to raise one chick. Always. That is a characteristic of these species of birds.
When hatching time comes, it never happens at the same time for both eggs. One of the chicks is always born first.
It comes out of the egg and is greeted in a caring way by its mother, the way only a loving mother can do. It is fed.
And then it waits.
When the second egg hatches, the older chick launches a brutal attack on its newborn sibling, killing it a few minutes after it was born.
And all the while this is happening, the Mother is right there, watching, motionless, without interfering, while her newborn baby is murdered without mercy.
I can't tell you how much of a shock that scene was to me.
But then I realised that the mom, too, had to go through the same experience years ago herself, when she had just been born. She, too, had killed her baby brother or sister. She had been victorious. She was the one that had survived. The fortunate one in having hatched first.
For someone that believed that there was such a thing as Good or Evil, that Nature was essentially Good in its core and that Nature had conscious intentions that were essentially Good, this was important.

There are more examples in the animal kingdom that can illustrate that in nature there are no values, no conscience, no good or bad intentions. But I still wanted to tell my friend that even the negative aspects of mankind were... necessary. Even the worst things about us have a purpose for existing.
Let's say, warfare. Humans at war. Most probably the best example of how low a human can get.
For me there is nothing more macabre than a person ordering others to march into death, to fight for a lie. I am also appalled at those who volunteer to murder others and risk their own lives for the whims of a bunch of fat slobs who they never even met and who couldn't care less about them dying out there.
I don't need to say how devastating wars can be for everyone and everything involved. It is a human facet I truly wish we had the ability to overcome as intelligent beings.
But if we want the truth, we really really want nothing but the truth, we have to consider even more aspects.
We take our emotions and we put them aside. And we look into other kinds of consequences resulted from warfare, just so that we try and have the most complete picture possible.
We start to understand that life as we know it would probably be very different from what we are used to if we did not have wars. For example, what is happening right now, me writing this log online, you reading it, would probably not have been possible yet. We would probably not have airplanes yet, and much less the radar, satellites, spacial voyages, medical knowledge, etcetera. 
The internet, airplanes, space traveling and so many more things that make our life easier and more exciting were achieved because of research that had the grim purpose of developing advanced military weapons and technological warfare.
Our lifestyle nowadays is actually "Heaven" compared to the way life was just 100 years ago. We can not appreciate it fully because we have not experienced life in other conditions, but we can imagine.

Tuesday, 21 June 2011

And then the change

And then, things change.

A friend comes along and reminds me that things are alright. That the place where I'm at is not really that bad, and I end up realising it's all in my head.
The way I perceive things and the way I see other people, and the way I end up feeling too. It's all down to a choice made by myself. Consciously or, in most cases, unconsciously.

It all changes according to my feelings on that moment. Feeling sad because of something? Like, say, the end of holidays? Chances are that most things around me will seem dull. It's all about projections. Projecting the way you feel onto the things or people around you.

I think it makes us feel more comfortable when we project our feelings onto the things around us.

We live in extremes.

We sometimes have one of those mornings where we wake up extra-emotional, where we feel happy and pleased with the world. Life is beautiful and magical, full of mysteries and great things waiting to happen! Oh how lucky we feel to be alive right then! How excited!
We look out through our window and we smile, almost tearful, to the people walking on the street under this beautiful shiny sun. They all seem such wonderful and complex creatures, a masterful expression of the greatness in Nature.
Why, of course we feel happy. How could we not?

I feel happy, therefore I attribute enormous value to all the things around me.

And then we have darker moments. And life doesn't seem that great anymore. Or mysterious, or magical either.
In these moments, life doesn't seem complex at all. It's simple, it simply sucks.
Everyday's the same, we think. And everyday will be the same, forever and ever. Because this world is a bloody living toilet and nothing ever changes.
And the people, man... the people. Could there be more disgusting creatures on Earth? I mean, hell, why don't they all just freakin disappear? All of them. In fact, better yet, why can't I just disappear? "Please", we beg, "whatever is up there or out there, pleeeeease make me disappear off the face of this hell-hole", we ask a God we never believed in.

I feel miserable, therefore it is much easier for me to think that everything around me is bad. This makes me think I am right in feeling miserable, since the world and everything out there is so depressing.
I feel comfortable in knowing that there is no other way to see life, because I "know" life sucks. Why would I try to be reasonable and try to be happy when everything around me is a disgrace?
No way. I am fine the way I am feeling now, miserable. And if anyone disagrees, well, what was I expecting from people anyway?

There. Mood changes explained.
Wouldn't it be so easy if I could just remember this at all times? So that when I'm feeling depressed, I remember that I am somehow creating that reality. And that I can, at those moments, easily fall into perceptions that are distorted. These perceptions will help me sink further into that sadness and, let's admit, it is a rather comfy feeling, that one.